u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
