Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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