it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
