I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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