I heard we made out
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
