physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
