Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
