i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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