If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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