i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
