My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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