chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
