How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
