i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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