i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
