Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
