I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
