Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
