The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
