i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I lost the right to judge tonight
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
