There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
