so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
