Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
