my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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