You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
