He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
