hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
