i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
