Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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