So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
