she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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