I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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