I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
