return my video game
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
