Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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