Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
