i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry about my life...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
