I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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