that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
