Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
