Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
