So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
