We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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