I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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