if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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