So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
