sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
