I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
