Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
