Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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