I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
