remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
